Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
