just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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