Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
