Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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