Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
