I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
