i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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