she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
