OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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