.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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