i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
why do cheetos always look like penises
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I want to be your penis for a week.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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