She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize