he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
