We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
