I think my vagina is haunted
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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