that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
