is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
