my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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