my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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