flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
