fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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