I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
