yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
