and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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