I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
