I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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