She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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