I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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