then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
