I seem to have left my pride at pride
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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