so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize