I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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