i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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