shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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