the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
