This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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