just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
