Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
