ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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