You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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