"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
