I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize