the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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