Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We left the knife in your bed.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
