When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
that may or may not have been my penis.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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