My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
