Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
