all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
