we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I need water and some morals
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
