also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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