I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
