Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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