How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
