smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
