Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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