This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I skipped work to stalk him.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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