On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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