She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize