Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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