It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
