I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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