Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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