pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Randomize