Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
