Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
