Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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