my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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