I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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