meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
