My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
