That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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