im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
