Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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