margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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