Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
