It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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