i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
