Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize