you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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