I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
