Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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