So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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