My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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