So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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