Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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