i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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