if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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