What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
