you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
