What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
