What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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