Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
