It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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