You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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