I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I have tasted many bathrooms
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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