He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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